Posted by: ButterflyMoms | August 5, 2010

The Depths of a Mother’s Desperation….PART ONE


Hello Beautiful ButterflyMoms!

I’m humbled that when I wrote the last blog after not writing for two weeks, almost 400 people read it in just 2 days! WOW! THANK YOU for helping me get the message out to other ButterflyMoms. It feels WONDERFUL to be on this journey with you! Please keep spreading the word so that we can bring some answers to those who think there is no hope and have all but given up. I will include the link to today’s blog at the end of this entry so that you can easily share with others. MWAH! It’s cheaper than Hallmark and more precious than GOLD and you get to be the hope giver! YAY!

We’ve all gotten gifts, some big, some small, some meaningful, some useless ;), but has anyone ever given you a PERSON, a real, life person? As odd as it might sound initially, it has happened to me a few times in my life.

Chiang Rai

The first time I was 22 years old, had just graduated from Boston College and started my job working in Japan for the Japanese government in the JETT program. It was the Christmas holiday break and my dear friend Tracey and I were backpacking for a month in Thailand. It was at the end of our trip. We were in a remote part of Chiang Rai waiting for a bus back to Bangkok. The bus schedule had changed and we had a few hours to wait. We decided to just hang out and read in the sun by the bus stop which was pretty rural with beautiful trees and plants. (ahhhhhh, remember when we could just do that decide to randomly sit down and read, ahhhhh! – a time before children – for those of us still with little ones I wanted to give us all a “CALGONE” break 😉 ) We sat in the grass to read by some little kids who were playing near us. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I started playing with one of the kids. He was such a kind, happy child! After a while the boy’s mom and two other younger siblings joined us. The mom and children all had amazing energy! They were gentle, kind, honorable people. We did not speak the same language but we had a wonderful time doing the most basic thing, connecting with each other by simply smiling and “gesturing” to each other as we played simple fun games.

I stayed in one of these. There is no running water or electricity. When we asked where the bathroom was they responded, "Anywhere." Quite an adventure!

I could tell they had very little and it was almost time for my bus to leave so we walked over to the nearby store and I remember gesturing for her to get anything she wanted. I will never forget what happened next. She got milk for her baby and soap. I gestured that she could get more so the took another bar of soup. Wow, to me when I said “get more” I meant “Sweetie-YOU-HAVE-THREE-HUNGRY-BABIES-BUY-OUT-THE-PLACE!” To her, those two items were already probably more than she had ever received, more than she imagined someone would give her. It is in moments like this where an overwhelming feeling of being HUMBLE overtook me! Us with all our vast amounts of STUFF, our gobs of food, our mountains of possessions, our huge houses and fridges, and this wonderful family, starving! It all felt soooooo wrong. So unfair.  Even though this Mother was offered to get ANYTHING in that store, she picked two VERY BASIC necessity items, as she saw them. I could see that they were hungry so I gave her as much money as I had on me because sadly I could think of nothing else I could do. She was extremely grateful and we both cried and hugged.

A beautiful culture!

We went back outside to play. The gentle mom disappeared for a few minutes. After a while she came back with someone who spoke a little English. The “translator” told me that she would be honored if I would take her oldest son who was about 5 with me. WAIT. WHAT? I did not know what to say. As strange as it sounds, inside my brain I was actually thinking of HOW I could I bring this child with me into Japan, where I was working at the time. My friend Tracey helped me see that there was NO WAY that was even a remote possibility. I thanked the young mother and said I wish I couldn’t. She then looked down and thought for few moments. She slowly went to her second youngest child, a little girl who was about 2 or 3 and “offered” me her. My heart broke a little more. I could tell she was a kind mother who deeply loved her children and wanted better for them than she could provide. Even then, at 22, the pain/desperation/sadness in that mother’s eyes stays with me. I knew this was hell for her. I knew if she was asking that their circumstances must be dire. I had no way of helping other than the small monetary contribution I had made. I sadly apologized as I said I could not take her beloved second child either. Then when I thought things could not get any harder the mom looked over at her baby and started sobbing. She slowly approached me with her infant and held her up to me……Come on people! Are you kidding me?! Do people really live desperately? Do moms really need to make these kind of decisions? PLEASE NOTE. It is not about JUDGING HERE. It is about AWARENESS. Bringing awareness to a situation without judging brings us deep feelings. It is under these circumstances that our INTUITION is invited to come and GUIDE US.

(DEEP, SWEET BREATHS HERE PLEASE) (A COUPLE OF TIMES IF YOU WILL) It is important to remember in the telling of this true event that happened two decades ago in my life that there are still many lessons, probably more lessons then at the time because it was so overwhelming for me at 22 to feel so powerless to help other, especially a gentle mother and her children. One of the biggest lessons is that not only can we NOT “save” people but it is also not our “JOB” to do so. It’s not that “we can’t SAVE everyone” it’s that we cannot “SAVE” anyone.

As moms we tend to want to FIX everything for everyone. If you bring awareness to the situation you find that we have a society of children who have been so protected and coddled that they do not realize the value of what they have because they don’t understand what it is like to be hungry or cold or not get every toy they want. Many of our children a butterflies whose wings were not allowed to struggle against the cocoon as they emerged from it because the butterfly’s “family” could not bear to see “their” baby struggle. Not a guilt thing beautiful ButterflyMoms, just bring AWARENESS. There is NO “SHOULD”. We are in an age of human development where we are shifting from the LAND OF SHOULD to a LAND OF AWARENESS. It takes a little practice but once you get the hang of it you will see the amazing “coincidences” that fall in your lap dozens and dozens of times A DAY!!!!!! It’s fun! I’m doing it and that is HOW I’m attracting Oprah. It works! It’s free! It’s fun! I love sharing it so you and other ButterflyMoms can PLAY with me in this wonderful adventure we are on called LIFE – VIDA – VITA – VIE!

This is the end of Part 1 of this story. When I start writing I never know where it will take me. I did not realize this event in my life still had sooooo much “juice”. I’m glad I shared it because I still had a lot of guilt over it and if that mom ever knew that she was helping other moms by sharing her story, then I feel she would be really thrilled. Come back tomorrow when I will talk about the second time someone offered me a person. This time I did not say NO. (enter music TAH DAH DUH!!!) 😉

Great big hugs,
Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂

PS If you like what you read please post this on your FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, etc and email friends. In the noise of life we can all use a gentle reminder to connect to what is REAL and feels good! Here’s the magic link….Cut and Paste it to share pure fun with your friends:    http://wp.me/pBdfR-9J

Sasha and Ava.....ahhhhhhh!

COOL BUTTERFLYMOM OF THE DAY!

( NEW FEAUTURE – LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT!)

Today we are featuring ButterflyMom Sasha Martin who played with her passion and started http://www.GlobalTableAdventure.com

Join the fun as she cooks and eats her way around the world, with her picky husband (Keith) and sweet baby girl (Ava). ♥ ♥
Mission: Her adventure: To eat her way around the world: 195 countries, 195 meals, 195 weeks.
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Responses

  1. What a wonderful surprise, Maria! Thank you. I’m honored.

    It is auspicious that you put me with this post because my mother had to make this very choice when I was 10. To give us to another for the hope of a better life. I am in tears.

  2. Everything happens for a reason beautiful Sasha and even though I did not have that information it is amazing that it is soooo appropriate for you. The funny thing is, is that when I write I have no idea where it is going to end up. It was only at the end that your name popped into my head and I put you down. Nothing is an accident! Thanks for following your passion!

    GREAT BIG HUGS,
    Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    🙂

    PS I invite you to start a GRATITUDE journal today where you write all the things you are thankful for daily. If you think this is a coincidence wait until you see what starts happening!!!! :)!

    • Amazing is right!

      I used to write a few sentences of gratitude every once in a while but (life is funny) I stopped doing it as much once I found contentment. Looking at that in black and white makes me realize what a missed opportunity that is.

      If I can be thankful in tough times, I certainly can in good times.

      My first entry – in a long time – will be about this very unusual incident! 😀

  3. I remember your telling me this story, Maria, and it is so wonderful to hear it again. You really have found the passion in your life. Keep up the excellent work and enjoy your time away from Hollyrock!

    xoxoxox

  4. What a beautiful and sad blog Maria. I know how you felt, I feel the same way when I go to Trinidad and see children with very little. You have inspired me with the little time I have to find an organization in Trinidad to help kids in my home country. It really is all about awareness. I used to get really really upset when the “well to do” could not comprehend what I was trying to convey about people who do not have that much and then I realized that they had never been exposed to the countries and poverty that I was exposed to….so I stopped my ignorance and started to see things from their point of view BUT your blog today does highlight a major fact: being awareness really does help.
    Love the new feature! Your friend (19 weeks and 1 day today…) Janelle

  5. Simply beautiful Maria!

  6. Wow, Maria, that was an interesting story.

    Last night I just watched “the Lost Boys of Sudan”, (Netflix) — a documentary about how the young boys of Sudan had to flee their own country – a very sad horrible thing– the ones who lived ended up in refugee camps where some were chosen to come to the United States after some education. And it certainly was it an education for my 13 year old son to watch with me. As an American kid, it was good for him to get some perspective on what others in the world endure and how some come through trials even against all odds with flying colors.

    Linda D.


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