Posted by: ButterflyMoms | August 6, 2010

The Depths of a Mother’s Desperation – Part Two

WARNING: The content you are about to read is soooooooo inspiring that it may cause tears and an uncontrollable urge to send this blog to others. Do not fight the urges. Do not adjust your computer. Do giggle and cry and ponder and share and breathe and write and draw and sing and whatever else feels good to you in the moment. What you are feeling is the AUTHENTIC YOU, reaching out of its shell. Feel free to TRY THIS AT HOME…AND OFTEN! “FEED YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!”  It’s soooooo easy! Start here…

These are the first photos we ever got of Olivia from the social worker. I looked at these photos for hours and hours. She looked so stiff and so sad to me.

Hello Beautiful ButterflyMoms!

I was floored when I checked to see that with yesterday’s post we are now up to almost 700 people who have come to read this week’s ButterflyMoms’ blog! WOW! …..AND with no nudie photos or gratuitous sex….although ButterflyMoms KNOW there is a place for that too!  YESIREE!!!!!! 😉 (wink, wink, wink) Thank you for sharing BUTTERFLYMOMS with your friends and family. From the AMAZING feedback it seems that the combination of me writing, and you sharing, is FEEDING a lot of souls – that warms the cockles of my heart! THANK YOU! I’m writing this in my gratitude journal! That’s for sure! I invite you to write in yours today. It compounds your energy in the direction that you want. It gives you more light and fullness in this lifetime.  Baby steps will get us there….each day closer and closer…AND nothing says we can’t have FUN as we go! When I taught in Japan I used to say all the time, “If you are not laughing, you are not learning.” I believe that quote still applies now, especially with what we are doing here with ButterflyMoms! We are all learning how to feed our once starving souls. It is a process. It is an adventure. I LOVE that we are doing this together! YIPEEEEEEEEEE!

Yesterday’s blog entry was part one of two parts. It was about getting gifts, but not just any gift. It was about being offered another human being.  YUP! You read me correctly, being offered a real PERSON! Yesterday was about Thailand when I was 22. Today is about the United States of America less than three years ago when I was 40.

Our very first meeting. Olivia could not keep her eyes off of Doug. This photo shows that beautifully!

I used to read voraciously as a child because I wanted so desperately to escape the tragedy of parts of my childhood. I could escape in books. I felt like a beautiful bird in a cage. I could see the outside but could not leave. I knew that one day the cage door would open so I wanted to learn as much as I could of the outside world while I was “trapped” in this one. The Hudson Public Library was my gateway to knowledge, fun and creativity. I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED that place! To this day I have a HUGE respect for libraries because of what wonderful gifts I received there as a child.

The first time I ever held our Divine Miss Olivia

[SIDENOTE: I ask that you support your local library. It is usually a very small amount of money to “become a friend”. As a business owner both my husband Doug and I apply separately as members of the library. It’s very inexpensive to join and soooo much good comes from our libraries! It is another example of something AMAZING right under our noses that we FORGET TO NOTICE. I ask you today to bring AWARENESS to yours (your library, not your nose ;)). Become a member today. IT FEELS GREAT! Go there. Smile at the people. Take out some books. Check out a section you never gave yourself time to check out. Feel the space. Take your Gratitude Journal and do some entries while you are there. There is no right or wrong way to enjoy your library. Connect with things that represent what public libraries do and you will attract more of that into your life! It’s as simple as that! Put it in your calendar NOW and do it! You will FEEL THE DIFFERENCE! Now back to our regularly scheduled blog entry….. 😉 ]

This is the first time Mialotta ever met her new baby sister. Olivia was totally unemotional. I had never seen a chlld act like that. You could tell she had not experienced deep MAMA LOVE!

So one day by the back wall I picked out a book at the Hudson Public Library that changed my life. It was a book about a couple who meant to adopt one child and ended up adopting A LOT of them. I had never been exposed to adoption but after reading it I KNEW that was something that would one day make up the fabric of my life. I put the wish (a strong visualization with lots of feeling) out into the universe and let it go, knowing it would take care of itself when the time was right. (I did not know that was what I was doing but that was what I was, in fact, doing.) It is a very powerful way to manifest what you want.

I, like most of us, had an idea of what I wanted a partnership and family to look like. I had no idea how I would get there. There were times where the HARDER I TRIED to do the “RIGHT” things the further I seemed from having the “FAMILY” I dreamed about. Time kept moving on and still all I had were a bunch of Mr. I’m Not Ready’s, so I finally got to the point where I decided to let go and trust. It was then that I met Doug and it was like I entered a fantastic whirlwind. Honestly I’m surprised I did not get WHIPLASH! First, part of the package was a stepson, the lovely Master Christopher who is a total cutie pie, then Mialotta, then Sophia. Mialotta and Sophia were only 14 months apart. When Sophia died we kept trying to get pregnant but just kept miscarrying. I brought up adoption to Doug and over time he agreed to take it one step at a time. We would go to each meeting or class and he would say whether he felt ok to move forward. Before we knew it the state of Massachusetts called and asked if we wanted a HUMAN BEING. Please know that I’m not making light of this. I’m simply in awe of the whole process. Someone again was offering to give me a human being…and with no stretch marks! WOW! WOW! WOW! If you are paying attention to life that is deep!

One of the first meals she had in her new home. Already a difference in how she smiles.

[SIDENOTE: Adoption is something that is not very well understood by many people. It is possible to adopt from within the U.S. There are plenty of amazing children out there who don’t have anyone to call “Mom”. Ok so this is bigger than my asking you support your local library but it’s something that if you are attracted to will help you leave an incredible legacy. I’ve always fantasized about having a large group of girlfriends over for dinner and when they got there have about 20 kids there of all ages. I’d let everyone hang out and play games. The kids would leave after many giggles and when we all sat down to eat I would ask, “Weren’t those kids great?” They would all nod and smile thinking about them then I would say, “Every one of those children has no home. They have no Mom or Dad. They are alone

The Sisters Adore Each Other!

in the world.” Ok, since I can’t use my dinner party “ploy” on you now I’m asking you to pretend you were at that dinner party yourself. How would you feel? Here is some adoption information you may not know. If you adopt through the state of Massachusetts (I don’t know about other states but I believe it’s also free). It’s TOTALLY FREE to adopt. YUP, we did not pay a penny! Our Olivia also has FREE HEALTHCARE. Once legal NO ONE can take them away from you. Also her college is paid for if she goes to a state school! How is that for cool?! If you have specific questions I’d be happy to answer them. They help you find the right child for you. We got exactly the person we were meant to, the divine Miss Olivia. Most who don’t want to adopt do so because they freak out about not getting someone they envision. I find that you get exactly who you need and just like with most everything in life, you get to approve of each step of the process. If you want to move forward with a child, you also get their complete history. We found that VERY helpful. Just like with the children in Thailand, it breaks my heart that thousands of wonderful kids have no homes. We can solve this one! By just OPENING our mouths and sharing our Olivia adoption story there are now at least six kids who have been adopted. If we got the word out to enough people and explained what was RIGHT HAPPENING RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES there would be a safe, happy home for each and every child. It happens by starting with just one! If you would like a quick preview check out the link…

The Mother's Day celebration at her schoolie where the kids prepared a yummy lunch for their mommies! So special!

I have to admit as a mom who lost a child I had a hard time for a long while because there was a part of me that felt guilty for having someone else’s child. If someone had my Sophia I could not bear the pain of it. My heart goes out to all the moms who have LOST children no matter how they were taken from them. I now know the pain of losing and that of receiving. In Part One, I spoke about my 22 year old self and feeling horrible that I could not take a child from her mother, then at 40, I felt the guilt of having someone else’s child. Life is a great big unfolding of the unexpected. It has come full circle for me in a way. You do the best with what is before you and as Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.” My desire is that by reading ButterflyMoms on a regular basis, you find YOUR BETTER!

Great big hugs,


Olivia Now.... When you pour LOVE into anyone Miracles Happen.

PS If you like what you read please post this on your FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, etc and email friends. In the melee of our daily lives, we can all use a gentle reminder to connect to what is REAL and feels good! Here is the link for today’s entry…



  1. Very nicely written

  2. 🙂 Awesome!! xoxo

  3. The way I look at it, your first experience in Thailand gave you 18 years to prepare your spirit for Olivia, for the choice you would make – to choose to receive love. The timeline of our lives is meandering.

    Congratulations on a beautiful family and a Beauty-Full Heart.

  4. Maria, This is the 1st time reading your blog! In many ways we have so many things in common. Kevin and I have always thought about adoption. We always wanted a really big family. As you know, after losing our son, I was so fortunate to be able to have 1 more child. We would have liked about 5 or 6 kids,,crazy huh!! lol Anyways, as my kids get older, I do find I feel like something is missing. I think when you lose a child, that space can never be filled. However, you do find that there is always room for love. I have a special bond with all of my neices and nephews. I love them as if they were our own. Maybe Kevin and I will end up looking into adoption,,after all we always thought about it (even before we had kids), and now after. Am I too old for this? I think I could handle a 4, 5 or 6 yr old. Even a 7 or 8 yr old too. We will have to talk sometime!

    • Hey Beautiful Liz,
      I LOVE that you started reading ButterflyMoms! I am truly honored! I know what you mean about the empty feeling. You are right it never gets filled. We also had a baby after Sophia died and adopting Olivia. What I have found is that hole is for the child we each lost and in that hole is the love that never dies and the wisdom of all the lessons we have learned, like the gift of knowing how precious each moment is, the gift of loving more deeply, the gift of knowing the end of everything we know could end without warning so love fully… I also would love to adopt again and if I had oodles of money also have another baby. I guess when I watched THE WALTONS I took it as my family blueprint! 😉 As for adopting it’s a wonderful ride. There is lots of sadness for the child in many ways because they have lost their first family and we have lost our babies. There is no age limit to adopting and I highly, highly, highly recommend it. It is not easy but in the longrun, it is a wonderful exercise in LETTING GO and TRUSTING! Hope you stop by more often. ButterflyMoms is a GREAT place to come get food for your Mommy Soul! MWAH! Thanks for stopping by!

      Great big hugs,

    • You are never too old to adopt from the foster care system. The question is whether you will be able to provide for the child’s needs, not how old you are.

  5. Maria, this is just lovely! I love this post (was the book u read, ‘the family nobody wanted?” I loved that book when I was little)

    • Hey Beautiful Erica!

      Sooooooo awesome that you took the time to write what you were feeling! Keep doing that type of writing! The book was not that one. I don’t remember the name but I know that if I need to come across it I will! BIG HUGS!

  6. Olivia is a beautiful child and I can tell by the older pict of her you’ve done wonders with her with all your “Moma love”!

    You’re a great inspiration for others out there who want to continue their mothering.


    Linda D.

    • Thanks for reaching out beautiful Linda! I LOVE hearing from you! Hopefully I will see you at the retreat!

  7. I love hearing this story!! Can’t wait to see you in 2 weeks. The lake retreat will be such fun.
    Hugs and kisses.

  8. […] The Depths of a Mother’s Desperation – Part Two August 2010 10 comments 3 […]

  9. “Most who don’t want to adopt do so because they freak out about not getting someone they envision.”… ?? Can you really generalize this way? I am an adoptive mom, and do not think that everyone should be an adoptive parent. It requires certain risks and acceptances as you know. I do not believe it is a “bad” thing to know one’s limitations, that includes that of adoption. It is a committment, and if someone feels they are not equipped to take that on, then it is far better to acknowledge that, then to move forward, adopt a child and pass along unnecessary emotional burdens to that child. I do not for one minute agree with that statement and think that folks who do not “want to adopt” do it for a variety of reasons, that not necessarily being #1.

  10. This is an amazing story of love and resilience and also shows how some people turn loss into triumph. Beautifully written and so moving, Maria.
    Best to all of you from the bottom of my heart.

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