Posted by: ButterflyMoms | September 7, 2010

When Your Computer Crashes…

Playing on Planet Earth in a little "town" called NEWPORT, RI 🙂 - one of my favorite places on Earth!

Dearest ButterflyMoms,

For the third time in my life, my computer crashed a couple of days ago. This time was oh-so-different from the other times because I am in a completely different place. The first time it happened I was living in San Francisco running the public relations firm I had started. That was the hey day when clients were begging us to take them on because there were so many well-funded start-ups. My rate was $11,000 minimum per month retainer  and a three month minimum. I had almost 12 clients and five staffers. It was such an incredible time in one way and in another it was complete recklessness. It was a recklessness that reflected the time. The money flowed like honey and I was getting mine. In order to maintain that level I worked sometimes up to 20 hours a day. Anyone who knows me knows I’m no picnic when I don’t get enough sleep. I wanted to make more money so I could “feel safe”. Little side note if you have this belief that money will keep you safe, you will never make enough to actually make that “safe” feeling. Safe and money are not in the same league, no matter how many infomercials claim it.

The more clients I got the harder I thought I had to work to earn it. Side note again, this is what happens when you don’t feel “real” when you feel like you are not good enough, you overcompensate. Funny thing is that after a certain point we all know that the “harder” you work the worse output you produce because you are fried. So you think you are not working hard enough and then lose even more sleep because you are not enough. The first time I lost everything on my computer it saved my life because it killed my company. When you try to ignore the signals around you the become collosal. I’m a perfect living example of a “hard head makes a soft ass”, as my friend’s mom Mrs. Cherry used to say to me.

When I again lost my information this week, I was in a totally different place than 10 years ago. I did not freak out. I just let it go. I used my breath. I asked what gift did this reprieve come to visit upon me. Even when my favorite computer guy went M.I.A. I kept my cool. The interesting thing this time is that I let it go and the answers came to me. I followed the steps and my computer came back to life. The best news is that I did not waste any time “FREAKING OUT”. “Freaking out” is just a sign that you are losing energy that you are not “recycling” or investing in something that you are going to get a higher percentage of energy back.

In your own life how do you react when things don’t go your way? Examine your life and your reactions. What is working for you? What do you want to let go of? Journal your thoughts. Have fun.

Great big hugs,



PS Something really, really big is brewing check back in tomorrow or Thursday for details. You are not going to believe this one!!! Get your seatbelts ready my friends!!! OH YA!!!!!!!



  1. Uh – I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us later this week!
    I love your insight here! So many powerful lessons in this little story!

  2. What a cool story, Maria! You are so inspirational to read. Thank you!

  3. Can’t wait to hear what’s brewing.

    You look so relaxed in that picture on the beach I hardly recognized you. Was taken this past weekend after our retreat?

    That was a great story, by the way, and great wisdom and insight from that experience.

    Linda D. XO 🙂

  4. So great Maria as usual. Can you share more insight when you can into “Money and feeling safe”, it’s the opposite for me, I have always worked and worked and worked not to make alot of money but to tend to my family and now my daughter, no assistance from parents or anything, but it’s draining. I have no intentions of being a powerhouse or moving up, just keeping the pace and doing what I can. You are so right with all that you have written…amazingly powerful. Thank You….Your friend Janelle

  5. Maria you are my rock !! You know what they say…A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
    My mother once told me that; Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.
    When You Have the Strength and the Power you dont need the money !! Heart And Soul is we need my friend !!

  6. Maria ~ I must admit I have been so busy lately that I had 5 of your blogs in my inbox unread. I decided tonight – with major deliverables looming in the 4 different jobs I desperately try to juggle – I decided to get some outside help from you. I opened this blog and started reading, and I felt like you were talking just to me. Before I had my 2 children I worked as a 6-figure marketing director for a high-tech company. My kids still laugh about when once in passing my husband mentioned I earned more than the President of the United States. This makes me one cool Mom in their eyes not only for the money I earned, but also that I decided my legacy was my children and I stopped working to be with them. They are now 11 and 9, and as they have grown and taken on a life of their own (sports, friends, activities, etc.), I have regained that need to make money to make them (and myself) safe as you so eloquently put it. Over the last few years, I’ve assembled a hodge-podge of occupations that I manage concurrently (pre-school teacher, entrepreneur, at-home marketing manager, and fundraiser). I desperately try to juggle major deadlines in all these jobs…often times resulting in being so majorly stressed that I’m certain its rubbing off on my children. Reading your blog reminds me of when my angel Alyssa said: “Mommy, I think I like you best in the summertime. You laugh. You play. You sing. You dance (sometimes on tables).” Your words have definitely given me something to ponder. As the recipient of my High School’s Most Likely to Succeed, I always wonder…have I succeeded? What is the true measure of success? I have some major soul-searching to do. Thank you for triggering some much needed and much overdue self-reflection. Kathy (Linehan) Belanger

    • Wow! You inspire me right back beautiful Kathy!

      Thank you for your authenticity. How deliciously refreshing! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! YOU ROCK! As soon as I’m done typing this I’m going to jump on the kitchen table and dance! Hope the neighbors are watching!!!!!!!!

      LOVE YOU!

  7. Mariaaaaaa……. I am ready and excitedly waiting for what is brewing!!! XOXOXO Nancy

  8. Funny timing about this. I spent the last 3 days battling viruses on my laptop. Dealt with something similar a couple of months ago, so I didn’t freak out. It was familiar territory.

    Really looking forward to seeing you new big thing!

  9. What a great lesson about letting go! The part about earning money v. feeling secure really resonated with me. […I’m no picnic when I don’t get enough sleep. I wanted to make more money so I could “feel safe”. Little side note if you have this belief that money will keep you safe, you will never make enough to actually make that “safe” feeling. Safe and money are not in the same league, no matter how many infomercials claim it.] HOW TRUE!!!! And yet, I’ve always had an intuition & vague awareness of this concept, but couldn’t really articulate it, and of course it didn’t sit well with my (former) driven, Type-A, workaholic personality! Thank you for expressing it so well! YES!!!!

    I have learned of late, that sometimes NOT getting what you want can be the most amazing gift, and can lead to something infinitely better than what I thought I wanted. 🙂 Thank you, Maria, for this insightful, post! –Susan C

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