Posted by: ButterflyMoms | October 15, 2010

My Mother/My Self…My Goodness/My Ickiness!


 

FROM DENVER POST OF US FAM in 1940s

 

Here is the next chapter in how to….UnClutterYour Life and Finding the Hidden Treasures

WARNING: The content you are about to read is soooooooo inspiring that it may cause tears and an uncontrollable urge to send this blog to others. DO NOT fight the urges. DO NOT adjust your computer. DO giggle and cry and ponder and share and breathe and write and draw and sing and whatever else feels good to you in the moment. What you are feeling is the AUTHENTIC YOU, reaching out of its shell. Feel free to TRY THIS AT HOME…AND OFTEN! “FEED YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!”  It’s soooooo easy! Start here…

Hello Beautiful ButterflyMoms!

My second year of healing school starts today and I’m THRILLED! It is the one place where I’m finally getting the answers AND tools to bring my life into the alignment of my soul. Some of those tools and nuggets of my enlightenment I’ve shared with you here in the Land of ButterflyMoms! Because of this journey I have a lot more peace, awareness and love in my life. I’ve been able to take some of the things that were sucking my energy (or rather that I was giving my energy to) and stopped “paying” those hefty fees! Do I hear an “AMEN!” gorgeous ButterflyMom “sistahs”? 😉

 

My Beautiful Mom and my "Little" Brother Who is Currently Serving in Iraq

 

One of my biggest energy drains was my relationship with my mom. The details don’t really matter. The “REALITY” is that I JUDGED HER and the SITUATION before she even entered the room. Although I’ve always LOVED my mom, I can’t honestly say I’ve ever had a REAL relationship with her because I was creating “the scene” and “the person” of her and then reacting to that instead of who she is. DEEP BREATH.

Why? I was afraid of being hurt. It was a defense mechanism from when I was a child but with adult powers it is more intense. Unexamined, it starts blending in with the background and becomes part of your “normal” so it is harder to notice, even though it’s right there. It is a pure ENERGY DRAINER. You pay in energy dollars EVERY time you think about it. It’s like paying the mortgage (or investing) in a shitty ‘ole shack when you could have the perfect house for you! When you invest in “shitty” energy you know it when your life is showing up shitty. 😉 How many of us have been there, in the land of shitty and don’t know why?! Well now you know! TAH DAH!

If you asked me even a few months ago I would tell you that my Mom was “this” and she was “that” and not enough of the “other” but in reality she is, and always been, just her, maybe even with her own mask but I cannot tell because I have never really “met” her. The only way to “meet” her is to first “meet” me without all the defenses and force fields and protective gates around _________________(fill in the blank with whatever works for you: my feelings of not being enough, not being pretty/thin/young/coiffed/smart ENOUGH! When I’m in my “DEFENSE” how can she let her guard down?

Our moms are just people who did the best they could with what they had which is THE best that any Mom can do. The gift of being a mom is that you now get to see what it is like on the “other side”.  I’m noticing the Land of Shitty creeping up on my relationship with my six year old daughter. I’m seeing the “shitty shack energy investment” starting to show itself. I am thankful because I see it. I don’t know how this “ends” but I’m thrilled at having the knowledge and awareness to begin playing with it. I can already feel the pure LOVE shining through the cracks…..and it feels FANTASTIC!

Great big hugs,

Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂

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Responses

  1. So nice.

  2. LOVE to YOU on this beautiful Butterfly Mom Day!!!!! So appreciate you Mariaaaa!
    Joanne
    p.s. Everything went amazing yesterday and I am a healthy woman!!!!!

  3. Maria,

    This is an amzing post and you have showed a lot of courage to share this with us. It is something (obviously very personal) I never realized about you. I am so glad you reached this new place and it will change and strengthen your relationship with your mom…

  4. Yes, often just the awareness of something is enough to initiate a, or the, change. Keep learning and applying what you learn, and sharing it in your loving way with others/us! 🙂

  5. Dear Sweet Maria,
    It’s so true about mom’s and about everyone. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. Maybe more importantly with what we we’re taught to know, which is a very narrow lense. Last night in class I think that lens widened a little bit as we we’re given an opportunity to look deeper at our own behavior pattern, which stems from our upbringing and the quality of human consciousness in our era. There’s no one to blame here just an awareness that maybe familiar behavior patterns need an adjustment or at least a wider lens.
    Love you
    Sandy

  6. I LOVE YOU !! As you know my mom was An Amazing Mom !! I was truely Blessed !! but my dad was tough and it totaly hit home for me about my dad !! But i have since fixxed my relationship with him !! Since My mother s passing over the years we have got real close..
    You always Know how to move me !!
    We all are Blessed to have you !! Miss You my Friend !!

  7. Great insight, as always!


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