Posted by: ButterflyMoms | December 17, 2010

The Betrayal Of A “Friend”…

Dearest ButterflyMoms,

 As we live our lives, we run into other souls with whom we feel such a strong connection that we befriend them. It’s pretty amazing that out of the billions and billions of other human beings on this planet we find that one specific person to whom we bond. Why THAT person? I am coming to the realization that friendship comes either to provide “solace-growth” or “aggressive-growth” (maybe even both at times). Allow me to explain…

Some of us have an astronomical amount of these friend connections, while others have only one. SIDENOTE: You would NEVER compare yourself to others if you remembered that whatever you have is what you need, for where you are, in your journey on this planet. There is no perfect general formula, only the PERFECT ONE FOR YOU. Sometimes we call a connection with another a “friendship” but it turns into something else…

In bringing awareness to the word “friendship”, I’m noticing two types of friendships. One we will call FULL FRIENDSHIPS (FFs), in which people give and receive in a mutually satisfactory “love” connection (“LOVE” meaning some true “admiration” and “like” for this other energy being.) These are the people who are not afraid to be honest with you, who believe in you, who have your back. FFs understand your faults and are willing to hear about theirs. If you have ever seen the movie BEACHES that is a great one to explain this type of friendship. Through thick and thin FFs are there. YAY, let’s hear it for FFs!!!!! When life gets especially tough they can provide the perfect shelter from your storm. For FFs to work fully, both you and she must be able to give AND receive because it shifts from one to the other from time to time.

Sitting with my Beautiful FF Sandy with our hearts' dreams, our girls!

The other type of friendship is one in which there is that initial connection or there seems to be a FF but then “something” SHIFTS. We call these POSER FRIENDSHIPS (PFs). This type of friendship emerges when one of the friends is either living most of her existence in fear mode or is just plain in her defense and trying to lull the other person into a certain position. A movie for this one might be SINGLE WHITE FEMALE 😉 (SIDENOTE: Sometimes I AMAZE myself at the wacky stuff my brain comes up with!!! Single White Female is the example? REALLY brain? Too funny!) This person typically is feeling unsafe and can only RECEIVE, but if you talk to them they will often say that it’s the other way around. 😉

So this week I had VERY INTENSE examples of both types. When I first started writing today’s blog only the PF example stood out, but as today unfolded, I realized that although this week’s PF incident had a VERY BIG impact on my life, the number and level of giving from my FFs hit levels of COMPLETE AWE….which brought me to a state of being incredibly GRATEFUL….which when I embraced what was happening, took me straight into a state of being HUMBLE. Being humble is one of the most magnificent frames of mind to be in because everything has a sense of worth and beauty that you miss when you are in other states of mind.

Here is a word of caution….Many of us grew up being trained to be “good girls”. Because of this widely accepted practice, when we are faced with conflict, our first impulse, might be to get all KUM-BAH-YAH, regardless of what we are FEELING. We grew up being told that is what we are SUPPOSED to do. But you know in your heart that NO GOOD CAN COME FROM IGNORING YOUR FEELINGS!  Your POWER comes from your first three chakras, called the LOWER SELF. If you ignore those feelings you cut your power source AND trap energy. That energy will eventually get so concentrated that it will blow. We can all picture examples of what that looks like. No one wants that kind of life!

To break the cycle, simply ask, “What do I have to learn from this situation?” Create the boundaries you need to stay safe and practice letting go of ill will. To find out if you are dealing with a PF simply check in and see how you feel. Your feelings don’t lie. Sure not everyone is perfect but some people are just in that PF mentality and they will only shift when they want to. You can still call them your friend but really all they are, are energy “vampires” who waste their energy on non-nurturing thoughts and activities so they have to take energy from others in order to survive. Call your energy back, cut the cord, send them love and ask for your next adventure to arrive!

From the letters and emails I get from you, the wonderful ButterflyMoms, community I am in awe of the wonderful stories you share with me. I thank you for showing up in your own life. If you have been attracted to our wonderful ButterflyMoms blog the universe is sending you a message that your soul already knows. Create from it what you need to. About 1,000 readers come to ButterflyMoms every week to feed their souls! Thank you for being a part of this wonderful community! As we all continue to celebrate this magical holiday season I wish you much AWARENESS in your life so that your pure JOY can come streaming in!


Great big honkin’ hugs,


PS  I ask you to support my dream, the one baby Sophia helped me push forward. After years of excuses, I am sooooooooo very thrilled that my dream of writing a book has finally come true! It’s been TWENTY YEARS in the making! Entrepreneurial Moms Extraordinaire is the amazing wisdom of 21 entrepreneurial moms who are passing on their knowledge to those who don’t have time for beating around the bush! We all need to make money NOW and live our lives well NOW. This book will definitely help in a very profound way! It’s coming out at the end of January. It will be $25 but if you pre-order it now you get it for only $19.99. Of course I will autograph it for you too! 🙂 Send me an email at and I will send you the order form. YOU WILL LOVE IT!!!!

PPS In this season of giving sometimes the best gifts are those that don’t cost anything. Give someone the gift of ButterflyMoms but just sending them the link… and telling them to check out the blog section. Feed your friends’ and family’s souls for free! :)!


  1. We are each a spiritual beings having a physical experience. Some of us are but small flickers of light. Others shine brightly. See those who flicker with compassion. And bask in the abundant light you share so freely with others. As the saying goes, a candle looses nothing by sharing its flame with another. But if that other soul wants to stay in darkness, there is no point in trying to make it otherwise.

    Peace, sweetie.

  2. Oh Maria, We are kindred souls who have not truly had the time to invest in one another! I LOVE YOUR BLOG TODAY!!!! We have only so much energy and WE MUST be investing it into the right direction. I miss you…I would love to see you…I would love to get our families together!!!!

    How is your project going????


  3. Hello Maria,

    My entire house is quiet this morning and I was just savoring this post! Thank you! I love my close female friends like family, our mutual love and support of one another sustains me.WHen a friendship turns out not to be a FF then it can be hard to move on. But everything you wrote is so true. You can love your PF but you must detach and let go. I had a very hard example of this but we’ve got to move to a place of love AND focus our thoughts on the blessings the FF’s give us. It was good to be reminded of this, Maria. xxx

  4. Maria –
    I am not sure what the “betrayal” in your blog title refers to, but I am assuming something happened that caused what I refer to as an “OUCH” seems that writing this blog helped to heal the “OUCH” and provide all of us with some positive thoughts about being more positive – which is always something to be grateful for. I was thinking a lot about you yesterday and so I called. One voicemail box was FULL( so many friends, so little time eh?) but I left a message on the other, hoping it would reach your beautiful ears:) SOOO excited to hear about your soon to be released book..more inspiration for me, yeah!! and yes, I want a copy.

  5. Just know your FF far out weigh your PFs, and we are ALWAYS here with tea.

    xoxoxo KKD

  6. I like this blog you wrote and even forwarded it to my brother-in-law.

    Linda D. XOXOX

  7. Your an amazing woman with words that will last a lifetime! Thank You…

  8. Beautiful Mariaaaaaaaaa,

    I am in awe of your light and your courage! You are true inspiration. Loving you from Los Angeles!! Love your soul sister, Lisa

  9. Maria
    Thanks for sharing this could not of come at better time.. My oldest is dealing with PF and has been trying to dis-attach herself from both finds her self back in the claws of ” oh I feel sorry for her and she is sorry for hurting my feelings” … I just keep asking my self how many more times can she do this before she breaks down… 😦
    I’m going to share this with her and hopefuly she will see the wrong in the friendship…
    Thank you again.. 🙂

  10. What a terrific blog post! Very well written and meaningful. What a reminder to take a look at our life and friendships and to make sure that we cherish all of our FF’s to the fullest. Thanks and keep up the great writing:) I am honored to be in the Mom Entrepreneur Extraordinaire book with you, you are a gifted writer.


  11. Maria
    Intense and so true!! Well written my BFF (BEAUTIFUL FULL FRIEND)!

  12. I love everything here at ButterflyMoms’s Blog was designed. My soul and spirit are at home. I am soon be incorporated to allow my idea here.

    Unfortunately, I have divided many Activities of my life. Please do not be impatient, it takes all his time to realize. With new power comes a lot of strength to put everything in the right direction. I miss you …In Love Hilde @@@

  13. Maria,
    As I read your post I actually saw situations and pictures of examples of the FF’s and PF’s in my head (am I nuts or what??).
    I “cleaned” out my PF’s in the last 4 years. Although it was hard to do because I tried to rationalize why I hung around each one, I finally let them go nicely-being very busy etc. I should have told them to their faces that they needed to clear the DRAMA out of each of their lives and that I needed CALM in mine. That would have been the honest thing to do, but it’s ok. I am very happy with the FF’s I have and I am lucky to have 3! They are each my soul sisters in different ways.

  14. ⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰
    ░░░░░░█░█ █▀█ █▀█ █▀█ █░█░░░░░
    ░░░░░░█▀█ █▀█ █▀▀ █▀▀ ▀█▀░░░░░
    …░░░░░░▀░▀ ▀░▀ ▀░░ ▀░░ ░▀░░░░░░

  15. ⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰I want to bring my idea to the theme “Life in connection with other souls in the following white.⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰

    ⋱★⋰Let’s start with our questions: What are dual souls: Dual souls were once a single, very powerful soul. Sometimes too powerful for a man but is also a very interesting composition between this soul connection.

    ⋱★⋰What happens when the two find themselves soul halves: Find the two halves of a dual soul, so it is for the two people, in which dwell the souls, as if they were a person, a unity. Similar to the desires, needs and preferences, is often similar to the life of these people. It is the feeling of having finally arrived at home.

    The dual soul reflects a part of the self again, the weaknesses as well as the strengths. Of course, such a convergence and potential for conflict – after all, one sees constantly in a mirror, which sometimes can be anything but pleasant. Every sensation is so huge that they can be compared with nothing hurts an emotional violation of the dual soul is many times more than a “normal” mind, every feeling of love, every longing for the soul mate is so strong that it is temporary, even in question.

    You get to know his soul mate, we recognize what it means to feel the other. It is as if the other person would be always there, even if it is 1000 kilometers away. My soul mate has even my physical pain, such as dental or back pain felt, even before I told her about it. And this so intensely that she thought she had a problem.

    ⋱★⋰Is the dual soul always the partner: Dual souls can be life partners, it is also possible that in a completely different situation, such as Mother / daughter, grandfather / grandchild, brother / sister incarnate. Such compounds are not to cap a lifetime, they are characterized by a degree of great love and understanding, which seems almost miraculous.
    But if one falls in love with his soul mate, so it is impossible to separate this compound ever to complete again. One can differ, but you will never forget the others more. Manage the two come together, so the connection is permanent.

    Not every strong relationship means that one has found his soul mate. It can be a strong affinity or about a strong karmic connection.
    ⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰My love, we are a DualSoul and wonderful. My heart beats day and night for this gift from God between us. In love you and hug you tightly. ⋱★⋰⋱★⋰⋱★⋰

  16. […] The Betrayal Of A “Friend”… December 2010 12 comments 4 […]

  17. Hi Maria,

    While life is busy and I only get glimpses of you- there has always been and will always be a connection (FF). I am moving on from a PF heart breaker and can’t believe it has taken a snow day almost one month later to read this blog. You are one special women and I thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings for all of us to process along side you. When reading your blog I rememberedcame a poem I heard years ago that comes and goes in my mind. Here goes…

    A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

    People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
    a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
    will know what to do for each person.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
    usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
    come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
    with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
    emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
    godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
    you need them to be.

    Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
    inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
    to bring the relationship to an end.

    Sometimes they die.
    Sometimes they walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

    What we must realise is that our need has been met, our
    desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
    sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

    When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
    Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
    They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.
    They usually give you an unbelievable amount
    of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
    you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
    foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
    person, and put what you have learned to use in all
    other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
    that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

    Author Unknown

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: