Posted by: ButterflyMoms | May 13, 2011

OPRAH UPDATE…One, Six and Thirteen!


 

 

Dearest Beautiful ButterflyMoms,

First, an Oprah update. The producer called again this past week and there was renewed hope that I would be on one of the last shows. He even had us get Sophia’s birth and death certificate to send to him just in case he could do something but that did not pan out. It is sad but at least I put myself out there and there are many more adventures I cannot even imagine coming my way! I’m excited! Thanks for coming on that journey with me!

Just finished a Goddess Weekend that was out of this world! It was at this retreat last year that I started writing ButterflyMoms on a consistent basis. So HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY BUTTERFLYMOMS!!!

The retreat got me thinking that we can all use a little time away to re-group and re-energize soooooo….(trumpets please)…… We are scheduling our first ButterflyMoms Retreat the weekend of October 22, 2011 in Mad River Vermont at a magical inn! We are still working on the details but space will be limited so if you are at all interested let me know. Carving out the time for our highest good is the best thing we can do for ourselves! :)!

I ask you to take a DEEP, DEEP BREATH with me as I enter into today’s blog…

Sophia and Me at her first birthday party

I never know how I’m going to be on May12 and June 22. Those are my Sophia’s birthday and deathday.

Sometimes sooooooooooooooooo much emotion wants to come out that I’m afraid those around me cannot handle it. Quite honestly most of my grieving has been alone…or SWALLOWING MY GRIEF because of this fear that others cannot handle it. Some of the work I’ve been doing at the Rhys Thomas Energy Medicine School, especially lately, has allowed me to open/release some of that energy, some very powerful stuff!

It’s hard, you know, to talk to others about the birth and death of your baby because if that other person REALLY went “THERE” with you it…well, I can’t say I honestly know what would happen, but it’s a lot of pain and in a way I guess I protect others from it because then I think I need to save them from it. I don’t know if I’m making sense to you but this is how I feel. There is soooo much magic that has come from her death but I would give it all up to have Sophia back in my arms. I don’t know if that is the PC thing to say but that is how MY HEART FEELS. I miss her sooooooooooooooooo much, our Sophalicious. I have had many, many people die in this lifetime, losing your baby is TOTALLY a different feeling. It is that type of grief that can knock the wind out of my sails and because I have so many responsibilities I cannot crawl into bed and stay there so I activate AUTOMATIC PILOT, put on a smiley face and go off into my day.  I KNOW I’m not the only one! Sometime I do it so automatically, in fact, that I don’t know that I’ve ACTIVATED it. I NOTICE that when I do this I take a VERY DEEP BREATH and then probably don’t exhale for the rest of the day. That is how I perceive it.

Grieving, for me, is this endless circle of wanting to get to HIGHER GROUND, to being as “ok” with Sophia’s death as I can be and then being hit by a Tsunami of pain, never knowing who you are going to be in front of when it happens.

At Sophia's Christening with Parents, Siblings and God Parents... Sooo much LOVE!

esterday would have been Sophia’s 6th birthday. She died at 13 months so it’s fitting that I’m writing this on Friday the 13th…. BTW, found out that Friday the 13th is a VERY POWERFUL GODDESS DAY…When  the Roman Catholic Church was trying to take over, they made it a bad luck day instead. I, for one am reclaiming the magic of Friday the 13th!!! Who’s with me? 😉

Today’s blog is just pouring out of me and I’m not stopping it. It has REALLY wanted to come out. The word that keeps coming up around yesterday is HUMBLE, HUMBLE, HUMBLE.

I was COMPLETELY blown away by the outpouring of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that our family received yesterday!  We had more than 200 people (I can’t even believe I’m typing that number!!!) reach out via email, phone, text, voicemail, facebook and even a handful of  in person visits from dear friends who seemed to really be holding a space of LOVE for the day as I had requested on FB. This may surprise you writing how I do but I usually don’t open myself up to get the love BECAUSE TO OPEN TO THE LOVE, YOU HAVE TO BE OPEN TO THE PAIN. I was more vulnerable yesterday than I have been in a long time and that is why I was able to ASK for what I needed. I asked for others to hold us in LOVE…and I highly suggest it because it felt wonderful! Like floating, really if you let yourself go….there is a downside though that is ALSO important to know about…. WARNING: When that happens SHIT that has been in your life’s “basement” comes up….and baby that shit stinks! It was soooo powerful that it rocked my marriage. We had to work some things out. Key is to go with the flow, stay open, stay authentic and for goodness sakes KEEP MOVING FORWARD (but in a BEING PRESENT WAY)!!!

A very special thank you to all those who reached out yesterday. YOU deeply help me and my family heal a bit more. I was going to try to list everyone’s name here but if I forgot someone that would not do. I would invite you to go to my Facebook page and read all the magnificent comments from around the world. It is a magnificent example of SHEER LOVE!!! I am deeply grateful and deeply humble by that LOVE!

Great big hugs,

Maariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂

Sophia and her Vovo

PS  A plethora of books sold this week! We FINALLY SOLD ONE IN PORTUGAL!!!! YAY! (Thank you Madrinha Juvenalia Figueiredo!) We also sold two in VERMONT (Thank you Evelyn and Kristen Meyer!) which is a new state for us and one in Watertown, MA (Thank you Christine McDade!) and another in CONNECTICUT (Thank you Sheryn MacMunn)! WHEW WHO!!!! I LOVE BEING ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU! SOOOO FUN!!!!

Here is where the books have gone to ButterflyMoms…

UNITED STATES

California

Fullerton 1

Sacramento 1

Connecticut

Greenwich 1

Yalesville 1

Maryland

Chestertown 1

Massachusetts

Ashland 2

Holliston 10

Hudson 4

Medway 3

North Easton 1

Sherborn 1

South Grafton 1

Watertown 1

Worcester 3

New York

Scarsdale 1

Stony Brook 1

Ohio

Dublin 1

Rhode Island

Newport 1

Vermont

Waitsville (Mad River Valley) 2

AUSTRIA

Wien, Austria 2

IRELAND

Dublin, Ireland 1

ITALY

Rome, Italy 3

JAPAN

Tokyo  1

PORTUGAL

Santa Maria (Azores/Açores)  1

Me at Hemingway's House in Key West

*To buy your copy for you and a friend click here now. Feed the LOVE in your life…. http://bit.ly/gRxe4U .

*Mark your calendar to read ButterflyMoms EVERY Friday! 

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Responses

  1. Maria- this is a beautifully written “share” into your life. I’l never forget the phone calls from you on both Sophia’s birthday and the day she died. God gives us all an individual journey. You and Sophia are forever Mommy and Daughter. And His and her love are around you and in you. And the most important thing about life is LOVE. I always have love for you and your family, my dear friend. Thank you for sharing your life journey with me and so many others.

  2. I Just want you to know that before i started to type i had to wipe the tears away from my face 3 times during the reading of this blog Maria…..Make that 4…….I’ve adored a few things in this life….one is the love i know you know that i have for my Mommy and the other my children…..I beg God to heal all of us that suffer pain over a lost loved one…I pray that in time that all over what we lost during our stay here on earth we are reconnected with all of them for eternity !! Knowing my Mom is up their with Sofia watching over us warms my heart…Know this… that i bet anything my mother is hold her hand as i type while they wait for us all to join them in the future….Rest assure Maria All the best people are around her taking good care of her while she waits…Thank you for sharing and being such a bright light to so many of us !!! God Bless all of us !!

  3. I am in favor of taking back the Powerful Goddess Day! Thank you for sharing your photos of your beloved Sophia and the rest of the family.

  4. Maria,
    Thank you for your post today. It is nice to know that there is someone else going through what you are going through. I too have good days and bad. Like for instance just knowing that the little guy growing inside of me is due on the birthday of my twins is a miracle in itself. That little bit of hope keeps me going feeling they in someway are helping me. I have bad days too… when peaple ask oh is this your first child and I say no I have another son who is 3. I leave out that I have had 2 more that have passed on not to get into that subjust but feeling guilty about it later that I have ignored them or something. I am thinking about you and Sophia and how I know that you are always remembering what it was like and also the thoguths of wondering what it would be like now. Knowing that she would be 6 years old. I look at my little nephew who was born and he is 20 months old not a day goes by that I wonder what it would be like to have my twins there too playing with him as they would be the same age. A mothers love for her child is so strong that it is a tremendous void when it is broken. Peace be with you and Sophia.

  5. Thank you for writing this…it’s apparent that there is joy mixed with pain…it takes a lot of love and courage to write from that place. Thanks for letting us share it. I can’t possibly know the sadness from the loss of a child…it’s hard to even imagine…but the only thing I’ve learned from painful losses in my life is that the whole angel world opened up to me. Still rather have them HERE but it’s comforting to know that their beautiful spirits remain with us if we look for the butterflies! Much love, peace and comfort to you…such grace in your writing. It’s a gift.

  6. Maria, you are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with the world, as all of us benefit from your love and candor.

  7. Lindo…

  8. Honestly I don’t know how you do it. I mean I do you have 2 beautiful little girls who need you but …. I don’t know if I could handle it and every time I see you, you smile and you seem so energetic…. reading your blogs it is visible the pain that you carry…

    While I read I feel that pain, and wish that no mother ever sees their child part before they do…
    Love u! hugs and kisses and stay strong, keep writing…

  9. Maria:

    Your amazing strength and presence in this world is striking. Jordan (our three year old) has been going through a very difficult time. Recently, he was battling a manic attack that had taken complete control of his little body. I looked at him and asked him to find his calm place, to reach really deep, pull it up and hold onto it. Through tears he said to me, “Mommy, I LOST my calm place today and it won’t come back to me!” Luckily, I had a little extra to share.

    Maria, you can borrow that “calm” from all of the love around you, but when a day presents itself in which the “calm” won’t stick, wrap yourself in a warm hug and HAVE AT IT! The dust will settle, the world will still spin on its axle, and you can reach out to greet a place of serenity that can only happen after you allow yourself to get to a place of chaos.

    Love,
    Deb

  10. I’m so glad you confirmed what I have always believed about Friday the 13th. I have 2 very important family members who were born on Friday the 13th so it’s a lucky lucky, blessed day for me. “Luck” and “magical” are often what we decide to make of our day and Maria, you exemplify this in your blog and your attitude toward life.
    Linda Schu

  11. ** Thank you and God bless you with all my heart … I am with my body and soul, with all the love with you. Our little butterfly who has opened our eyes and tells us that love is always present and accessible even when the body left the earth. The little angel is watching over us, and give plenty of love we need to continue to live in peace and tranquility in the heart.

    I find “the Butterflies” is one of the saddest stories of a loving mother who did everything for a child to get it to keep for ever. But God has decided otherwise and took the little butterfly with her in the sky…

  12. Maria,
    Thank you for opening your heart to us all. You are so courageous and so beautiful. I didn’t realize until today that yesterday was Sophia’s birthday. Sophia is with you always–I am sure of it. Even at 13 months, she had a purpose-filled, complete life. All is well. I love you always.

  13. Maria…My little Sophia, I know you’re getting at and with me. I’m so happy, so I would like to write something for the whole heart.
    I know you like it, and you promise. You listen very deeply into your soft and warm heart.
    I have for you selected an angel who will watch over you. He will talk to you forever. And gives you all the love and security that you need in your soul and heart ..
    Your angel will sing for you and bring you to laugh and think of you every day with beautiful games and the desires of your heart.
    And you will feel your angel’s love and very happy. Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweetest words you’ll ever hear.
    With plenty of rest and patience will be your angel will teach you to speak and he will lay your hands together to pray and teach you. He will defend you, even if it means risking his life. ”
    At that moment, called Voices of the Earth’s name, my little Sophia, I love you so much. And I know you’re always there, but I still miss you every minute here with us.
    “Oh God. I’m so happy. Please tell me the name of my angel.”

  14. Beautiful, Maria!! Thank you so much for the beautiful writing that you have shared with us. I agree that Friday the 13th is a lucky day(as all are). And I DO understand what you said about wanting to prevent others from REALLY feeling your pain…When I saw the pictures that were posted here,(not the photos), I was a bit shocked at first, but as I read on I saw that they were perfect, very well expressed. I love you, Maria!!

  15. 1. My dear Maria I am sorry. I’m always late with my letter.
    My compassionate and caring words for my love ButterflyMoms Mommihood’s Blog!
    I’m so happy. for that one-year anniversary, this FantasticProduct ButterflyMoms’s blog.
    I know. So much valuable time we spend together daily and you are always there, with the loving relationship to me. It makes me happy with you and assign the soul so wonderful. I thank you from my heart, what do you do anything for me.
    The Vermont is a magical always do. and report for us. I am so excited and I’m interested that work on 22.Oct. be 2001, gelpant still in space and time, and must be limited.
    I breathe deeply, and I wait with full energy on your new idea of planning.

    2. My sensitive soul for the dear little angel Sophia and I can feel your love. How should I begin to assign you my deep sympathy with. Heart breaks just thinking about it. The little angels no longer hold in their hands to look into his eyes, feeling the soft skin and smell.
    A thought is intolerable for you as a loving and caring mother, where you have everything done for your child.
    And with how much pain you are connected in a every minute, hours, days, months and years. And as you’re helplessly in such moments. Every day, hoping it would be the same as it was once a previous posting. When you put the Sophia every day in your arms.
    Your love for your child is the greatest experience for you. Only this love is important and that child will be accepted and loved and to be the most important experience.
    Every moment is infinitely precious to spend with Sophia, all of us to share love and security.

    3. ♥♥ LOVE. LOVE. It’s a nice feeling our infinite love zupflegen increase daily exercise, and hold together. There are no other people between us and it is only our love go with the future and we see the joint.
    Our love is the reason why our soul is so strongly linked and that can not be separated. What can I say. My heart is still for a moment to read these beautiful words from you. My eyes light up like a little girl in front of luck. And always feel your true love. I will always alone with you about the love and can talk about anything, it has so much meaning for me.
    I always appreciate your beautiful love to me. It is beautiful and to be happy with you. You will find everything need from me. You are a great person and I love you, in your honesty about everything. Our relationship is special and it can not be influenced by other people.
    You are my new life forever. There is no space and time feeling between us. and flow all the energies of love on an honest basis. Just you and me. We always stick together. Your love is warm and deep and I’ll give you back my love. I let our love live forever and no matter how difficult. It also is the reality sometimes, for us.
    PS: Sorry. Please. Do not put this many strangers people in our relationship. It all comes only from your own site. And I have so far. no people brought into our relationship. Why are you always make me still a mystery. What do you want to prove? These strangers people have no place in our relationship nothing, and I ask for mutual trust and friendly respect. To experience the true love should be a deep trust that the foundation of our relationship.
    I embrace you very deeply. Thank you with all my heart for the common precious times of our beloved Sophia and her family.

  16. Dear Maria,
    Last I wrote to you, you had extended an invite to come to your realty office for a meet and greet and a hug! I would love to do that and to buy your book at the same time. Instead of paying for shipping costs I would love to get it directly from you. ❤
    Would that be o.k.? What are your best times there?
    Love, Jane Regan

  17. I just found your blog from a friend of mine and just want to say that I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. The emotions you’ve written are very similar to the ones I experience with the loss of my husband. I love the concept of Butterfly Moms and plan to read more and learn lots! Love and prayers to you and your family.


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