Posted by: ButterflyMoms | January 25, 2013

THE UGLY SIDE OF HOLLISTON…. A Call to Bring Out the LOVE!


 Dearest ButterflyMoms,

 

Although I’m writing this from Portugal, we live in Holliston, Massachusetts. It is one of the most idyllic little New England towns you can imagine! There are many wonderful things about Holliston, but the two worst things are lack of a septic system and town gossip… ultimately, they are the same thing because they are both about shit!

 

DSCN6333 DSCN6731 DSCN6605 DSCN6736 DSCN6548 DSCN6273 DSCN6552 DSCN6385 DSCN6582 DSCN6204 DSCN6246 DSCN6439

When we first opened the space we combined our businesses in the same space. Our dry cleaners is now called GREEN CLEANERS and is the only earth-friendly in town. This was about four years ago when we opened our doors in the heart of downtown Holliston!

When we first opened the space we combined our businesses in the same space. Our dry cleaners is now called GREEN CLEANERS and is the only earth-friendly in town. This was about four years ago when we opened our doors in the heart of downtown Holliston!

Brick House Realty's frontFor years, many have commented to me about how much they dislike how gossipy and cliquey Holliston’s mommy’s groups can be. I had the same experience. I have also found this in the world of real estate. From the time I started BRICK HOUSE REALTY, a family-owned company, some of those in big-named real estate firms have made up lies and gone after our clients behind our backs. It is brutal because some people believe them and we have lost deals because of it. This is not a game to us. This is how we feed our children! Plus, they are not even telling the truth, they make stuff up! Sadly, we have seen this over and over again in our last 10 years in real estate in Holliston.

 

The solution for me in both the mommy group situation and in the real estate world, was that I turned more to one-on-one relationships, largely not buying into the negativity. With this philosophy we have steadily grown each and every year and a business that started in our closet just finished another record-breaking year! So on that level we have been successful but in doing the stiff upper lip thing, there was still lots of sadness in all this for me. The whole talking about others is wrapped with layers of ickiness and is what tears communities apart. Really, it is just another form of bullying. A few gang up on whoever they deem as an “outsider” in order to feel superior. Bully starts in schools and continues into adulthood.

 

A little background for those who don’t know…I’m living one of my dreams this year. I am spending a year in Portugal with three of our children while Doug is home with our son Christopher, as it is his last year of high school. This is an adventure of a lifetime for our three youngest. They are living and going to school in Europe as children! It is a wonderful adventure with many ups and downs that I often share here on the ButterflyMoms blog every Friday. Doug just left last week after spending a whole month here. It was his second trip to visit us since we’ve been here.

 

Well, yesterday I was talking to my husband Dougie Fresh 😉 and he mentioned that he had run into someone who was acting a bit distant. As they started talking, Doug told him about having been in Portugal with us a month and how our kids were having the time of their lives. The man bent down and started laughing with relieve. The reason he was so standoffish at the beginning was he felt bad for Doug and did not know how to talk to him. Why you may ask did he feel bad for Doug? Well, his wife had been in a Holliston store where the people in there were all hanging out talking about what a lowlife I was to have left Doug suddenly and run away to Italy with “his” kids against the Doug’s and the children’s wishes.

 

Doug and Maria in Cascais 2012

Our Portuguese Christmas tree...

Our Portuguese Christmas tree…

My first reaction was of disbelief, then the anger and hurt crept in. I went to my Facebook page and posted the following: “OK, I don’t usually go “there” but I am so going there! I found out today that the rumor mill in Holliston has been spewing out an ugly rumor that I have run away from my husband to Italy and “stolen” our girls! They talked about how much of a lowlife I am to do that to Douglas Schmidt and our girls! WTF!!!!!!!! Do people have such low energy that they have to make up total shit about others and then dish it out over and over?!…. Please know that from an energetic point of view gossiping and judging others is the fastest way to lower your vibration, thus giving you a shitty life! If you are jealous of what I’m doing go follow your own dreams!!!!!”

 

In my mind, here I am living my dreams and giving my kids one of the biggest gifts I can think of, and some people who don’t even know me, or my family, are out there saying really nasty untruths. It hit a big nerve for me but it was obvious that it also hit a nerve for many others. The response from people was incredible, 200 comments or LIKES with lots of advice and humor. It felt good to read them, but there was still “something” still not in its place, something “icky”. In general, when people feel ICKY about something, we ignore it. When Sophia died we experienced a lot of this because people did not know what to say so they just avoided us or the topic. This is an unconscious way to react when humans feel uncomfortable.

 

Many people’s advice when someone is gossiping or judging is for us to “take the high road”. Well, there are two types of high roads. There is the one where you bury it and pretend things did not bother you, as you pretend to move on. This is the one most people take. It is like taking an energetic mortgage out and paying it in secret (subconsciously) for however long you choose to hold on to it (forgive).

 

Stunning city of Lisboa!!!!!

Stunning city of Lisboa!!!!!

The other “taking the high road” option is to move your perspective from “what have they done to me & why have they done it”, which is the micro (small) and move it into the macro (big) viewpoint. From the bigger vantage point anger dissipates because the new perspective allows us to understand that others who are participating in judgmental or gossipy behavior are energetically depleted. Allow me to explain…

 

DSCN5373Every morning you wake up you are given $100/100€ and what you think about either causes you to receive more energy or give up what you have stored. If we are not tuned into our life’s mission, we start burning energy like crazy, because we are not in alignment. Being in alignment is the same thing as being “in the zone”. Everything is going on effortlessly. When people are doing what they “should” be instead of what they know in their hearts they want to do, they become depleted. When they have no more “energy” they start stealing it from others. This is why “energy vampires” exist. They are simply people who don’t realize why they are doing it but they find themselves needing to yell at, talk about and put down others because they get an energy high off of it. Like a drug addict, the high does not last very long so they must continue doing it to get the desired effect.

 

Fear is also a huge part of this equation for it also causes your energy to bleed out. Love has the opposite effect. Love fills your energy vessel. Think about playing with a puppy or a little baby. Think of in that moment you lose the sense of time and “shoulds”. You are suddenly transported into an effortless, feel-good place that has you loving and living in that very moment in time. To me, I took that anger, sadness and frustration and built several “bully-free” or safe communities: The ButterflyMoms Group was one of them and the other two exist on Facebook… I’M HOLLISTON HAPPY and the newest one “HOLLISTON TRADING POST. The goal of all these was to take the LOVE that already exists in Holliston and magnify it because there is soooo much love there! All of these have been monster hits and continue to grow!

 

It is important to remember that we are all humans, spirits first, and bodies second. As the beautiful Maya Angelou said at the Boston conference I met her at, “We all do the best we can with what we know. When we know better, we do better.” Gossiping and Judgemental behavior is something we all do to some degree. It could be talking about a neighbor, co-worker, family member or movie star. It is a cultural norm in most places.  We don’t even realize we are doing it. As we evolve as human beings, taking back our energy and moving it from the unconscious to the conscious will help us more easily find our alignment, our happy life. My gift to you today is this…. Whenever you find yourself thinking about someone and how they should be doing this or that, I invite you to notice and LET GO of your “should” for that person. As much as you think you know them, you do not, even if it yourself. Stop “shoulding” all over yourself!

 

Life is a reflection...No one is “good” or “bad”, we humans a big, messy pile of a bit of everything. All we can really do is notice what part of us we are feeding. I notice that my actions yesterday were a bit defensive. In reality as Eleanor Roosevelt said (and my friend Helen Bannigan reminded me of last night), “Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.” Someone else’s stuff is not a reflection of my self-worth. I am, however, attracting this lesson into my life and so examining what I find is my responsibility. As for the people who did the gossiping, they are “walking prayer-requests”. They are showing those around them that their energy is extremely depleted. Send them love from mother earth and cut the cord. It is the kindest thing you can do for them and our planet.

 

Great big hugs,
Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂

 

 

Doug embracing Portugal!

Doug embracing Portugal!

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? MORE WAYS TO FEED YOUR SOUL TO START 2013 OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT!…

√  REIKI 1 WORKSHOP: I’m teaching Reiki 1 in Cascais, Portugal (Feb 16 & Feb 23 10:00-2:30). Cost is only €175, includes materials, Reiki 1 certification and attunement. Class size limited and will fill up very quickly so if interested email me at maria@butterflymoms.com.de Arcos, 2770-210 Paço de Arcos, Portugal. Fee is 25€ at door. Sign up right now and get in for only 20€. Do it here…http://tinyurl.com/cslw7l4. See you there!!!!! Please RSVP so we can plan accordingly.

 

√  COACHING: For those who want a coach with a lot of heart, I’m here to help you get rid of your blocks and go towards your goal. I’m living what I have been teaching clients for nearly two decades. Whether you are curious or serious send me an email to maria@butterflymoms.com to set up a time to get you to your first step. For those who want something to shift in their lives this is a great time!!!

 

√  INTERVIEW: Here is the magnificent ButteflyMoms interview on Nancy L. Cantor‘s Dream Factory Television Show… I hope you watch it and that it feeds your soul! ! http://vimeo.com/30095902

 

√ BOOKS FOR SALE: “Mom Entrepreneur Extraordinaire” See list below for all the places in the world where this book has been sold! Last year I co-authored the book ENTREPRENEUR MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE. If you have been thinking about starting a business or want to take your business to the next level this is a wonderful way to start. WAY cheaper than going back to school…and very helpful! To feed the soul of a friend, buy them a copy by CLICKING HERE NOW… http://bit.ly/gRxe4U.  Feel part of the magic below and see where in the world people have bought this book…

DSCN5455BOOKS SOLD INSIDE THE UNITED STATES

 

CALIFORNIA
Anaheim 1
Fullerton 1
Sacramento 1
San Bruno 1

CONNECTICUT
Cromwell 1
Greenwich 1
Yalesville 1

FLORIDA
Fort Lauderdale 1

Seminole 1

GEORGIA
Roswell 1

DSCN6701ILLINOIS      

Lake Forrest 1

KENTUCKY
Louisville 1

MAINE
Biddeford 1

MARYLAND
Chestertown 1

MASSACHUSETTS
Ashland 3
Blackstone 2
Bolton 1
Canton 1
Framingham 1
Holliston 17
Hudson 4
Medway 8
Millis 1
Millbury 4
New Bedford 1
North Easton 1
Rutland 1
Sherborn 1
South Grafton 1
Watertown 1
Westborough 1
Wrentham 1
Worcester 3

DSCN5549MISSOURI
Lee’s Summit 1

NEW HAMPSHIRE
Laconia 1

NEW YORK
Scarsdale 1
Stony Brook 1

OHIO
Dublin 1

RHODE ISLAND
Bristol 1

Newport 1

VERMONT
Waitsville (Mad River Valley) 2

Just some of the REALLY GOOD LOOKING volunteers... ;) Amazing people and their  equally amazing children! It was a big lovefest!!!

Just some of the REALLY GOOD LOOKING volunteers… 😉 Amazing people and their equally amazing children! It was a big lovefest!!!

BOOKS SOLD OUTSIDE UNITED STATES

AUSTRIA
Wien 2

IRELAND
Dublin, Ireland 1

ITALY
Rome, Italy 3

JAPAN
Tokyo  1

PORTUGAL
Carcavelos 1

Lisboa 11

Ovar 1

Sintra 1

Santa Maria (Azores/Açores)  1

SCOTLAND
Greenock 1

SPAIN
Madrid 1
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **To buy your copy Click now… http://bit.ly/gRxe4U

 

Beautiful Guincho... Breath-giving!

Beautiful Guincho… Breath-giving!

WHAT IS BUTTERFLYMOMS?
ButterflyMoms is a community of people who realize they are souls first and human being second. They want to explore more about themselves, to find out what makes them happy and how they can lead a life of purpose. It is simply about FEEDING YOUR SOUL. Although it has the name “MOMS” in the title it is more about being nurturing to your own transformation, as the butterfly is to its own metamorphosis. This community is led by Maria Salomão-Schmidt whose transformation was ignited by the birth and death of her BELOVED thirteen month old daughter Sophia (Sophalicious), the original butterfly.

*Every Friday Morning, as a way of honoring her daughter Sophia’s soul, Maria writes the weekly BUTTERFLYMOMS BLOG. Hundreds of people read it every week to feed their souls. Maria started writing the blog in May 2009 and has written EVERY Friday since. Maria is a Reiki master and every time you read it you are showered with healing love.

Tell your friends… https://butterflymoms.wordpress.com and spread the love!!! FEED YOUR SOUL!!!!!

 

 

DSCN5945PS… To learn more about the Maya people check this out… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_civilization

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Responses

  1. I seen your post yesterday, Maria and sent love to you and your family. I knew you had everything you needed already to deal with it gracefully. You are a true star. So honest, so powerful and so completely inspired. It is an honour to share this experience with you. Love and hugs from Scotland xox

  2. Maria, you are an inspriration and you have certainly found a STRONG voice within yourself, for your family and for those of us who are searching for our own voices. I really took to this piece on the gossip in small towns. Thank you for sharing. Your friend always….Janelle

    • Maria- loved this post! You have such a fantastic energy and feel fortunate to know you and your family! You are such a gift to Holliston. 🙂

  3. Moving post, Maria, as usual with eloquent words and just enough humor to make it fun and interesting. Good on you for accepting this Gift of a Lesson that was offered to you, with both grace and style. xo Love from Italy (where apparently you are) Helen

  4. Small mindedness is not an attractive trait.
    No one knows what it’s like to be apart of our wonderful family. I’ve laughed at and cut it. No sense wasting more energy on something like this. There are much bigger things out there in the universe for us and our family.

  5. Maria I know all to well personalty about Rumors !! How hurtful they are and untrue most of them are..!!! After being drug free for over 25 years and married for 18 years and had a worked for my self most of my life…Matched with living in a small town aka HUDSON and hearing day in and day out what was going on in my life from others,,,Let Just say it Was Remarkable !!! You would not believe All the things that they went around,,That people were saying about me when i asked my for a divorce,,,It was Unbelievable ! As you know Maria i took a road trip to California for 3 months and then i went over seas for about 18 months also living in Portugal and the Azores…But the best rumor i heard was that i had been Deported for drugs and woman Abuse ?? they read it in the news paper ??? Maybe if i was not born in America,,,but happily i was born in Marlboro Hospital which happens to be in the USA. last time i checked..So I ask how does one get deported if they were born here ??? Maria i could go on for days about stories i hear and have heard…What I’ve learned in the last five years since this all started was

    For me I Stopped the Madness right in the beginning with 4 RULES !!!

    ~~ Believe non of which you hear from Anybody about Anybody !!~~

    ~~ Only Believe HALF of what you see or what it looks like !!~~

    ~~ Don’t repeat anything you hear that you can prove !!!!!~~

    ~~ Don’t say anything about anybody that you wouldn’t say to their face !!~~

    God Bless all of us for people like you !! I love you my friend Maria !!

  6. Beautiful, Albert x

  7. Hello Miss Maria,
    As I read today I am thinking of “The Four Agreements”, and the first and most difficult one “Don’t take anything personally”. There is clearly a lot of stuff going on, but not yours! You do not own it, they do!!
    Glad you are having such a grand time in ‘Italy’!!!
    Miss you…love to you,
    Jennifer

  8. Great use of your energy Maria! Oh and thank you for posting to pic above! Glad to see Bella is still Bella ;). What? Did she not want to be in the lowest position?!?! XO

  9. You go girl!!!! Don’t put up with that negativity!!!

  10. I was sorry to read about what is happening in your hometown with regard to gossip about you. But if the people concerned were to read your blog and facebook page, they would, as Maya Angelou said, ‘know better’ and hopefully ‘do better’.

  11. Your facebook post was dead on. This article was wonderful and brought tears to my eyes. How sad that people have to prey on those that are happy and living good honest lives rather than take a look at their own lives.

  12. Ich versuche heute direkt hier zu schreiben, mal schauen das Wirkt.____)

    Na, Na liebe Gruesse vom noch existierenden Wien.Vwrtelen Dank, fuer dein herzliches persoenliches Dankeschoen, nach so langer treuen Zeit!!
    Es wurde hier sehr viel Seelenarbeit geleistet im Schreiben und jede Woche Butterfly-Blog lesen!!
    Du solltest deine Seele bitten, und vor deinem geistigen und sehenden Auge zu fuehren, das man einem treuen Seelenpartner auch direkt ins Auge schaut und sich endlich persoenlich LIVE bedankt. Dankbar zu sein, das Sie immer da war und ist!!

    Hier in diesem Butterfly-Blog, wer wird den, alles so uebertreiben und tragisch nehmen, in solchen verwinkelten Siuationen. Die man ja meistens selbst bewusst oder unbewusst iniziert.
    Aber trotzdem jede Menge los in deinem Portugal. Kaum zu glauben nach deiner August Anreise in Portugal 2012, so viele Dinge zusammen gepackt in einem “Sack”, und das nur fuer einzige und bestimmte Person.
    Kaum zu ertragen in der Seele und im Herzen, diese eigenartigen @=@ Ereignisse:
    “Wie Imobilien-Holliston schliessen, Zwischefaelle, Unfaelle ect.., gute zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen mit Solidaritaet verbunden und aber auch komische Probleme die ja nicht sein muessen, ((wie, die dumme und erfundene Fantasie-Reise nach “IT”, was fuer mich absolut keinen Sinn ergibt, wie Doug verlassen und mit der Story Maedchen stehlen und etccc.))” Ihr seit doch eiseres zusammenhaltendes Ehepaar, die Hohs und Tiefs ueberwinden und vieles mit gegenseitger Kraft mit ueberwunden haben!!
    Aber man sehe, Sehe alles ein als “Positivum”.
    Man koennte den Sack auch einen “Lichtsack” sehen, der mit soviele schoene wertvolle Dinge gefuellt sein kann. Wenn man es wirklich will mit seinen Seelen und Herzpartner alles „einfach und dirket“ in der Realtaet um zusetzen. Ohne viel mit Kompliziertheit verwickelt zu sein.
    Lerne etwas dazu, ein einfacheres Leben zu fuehren und dieser Person die dir am Naechsten und am wertvollsten ist, zu wertschaetzen fuer die stabile Treue.
    Ein Tipp von mir: Einfach zusein, das sollte die “Wuerze = die Lebensfrucht” im unseres “Dasein” des erdigem Leben sein.
    Das man niemals die ganze Welt einkreisen und umarmen kann, sondern nur winzige davon Teile. Wir alle sind Reisende auf dieser Erde fuer eine bestimmte Zeit und das ewige gluecklich sein zusuchen und zum Gluecklichsein gehoert auch manchmal dazu Gegenteil zu erfahren. Um wirklich Gluecklichsein!!
    Wir koennen nichts mitnehmen von der Erde, sondern nur eine gute und starke Seele, die sich im naechsten Leben neu inkarniert wird.
    Was der Mensch im taeglichen Leben erwartet ist manchmal zu viel materielles Zeug, dass auch bis zu einem bestimmten Bereich, zum Leben und zum Ueberleben im iridischen Leben notwendig ist. Das finde ich auch in Ordnung. Aber es ist auch eine Begrenzung ist, was der menschliche Verstand erwartet. ((Eine Seele ist etwas Multidimensionales)).
    Allso, vielleicht mit eingebundener Spiritualtaet sich den Ursprung bewusst werden, woher wir alle Seelen stammen.
    Dann springt die Seele und das Herz wieder den ruhigen und gelassenen Einklang zum treuen Seelen und Herzpartner und deiner Familie.
    LG as Wien.

  13. My dear Maria..I am so saddened by this. I tend to be somewhat naive when it comes to these things…although having lived through a miserable high school existance, I shouldn’t be! But that was a lifetime ago…and I digress. I am sorry if you were hurt in anyway by what happened. You, my friend are living a dream…you have a wonderful family, loving partner and a successful business. I know that your life has not been without struggle, but WOW do you have a way of making things happen!! Your words always make me think, remind me of my choices and lift me to a different level of consciousness. You, Maria, are a beautiful light that shines all the way from Portugal! Keep shining!!xo

    • Beautiful Jackie,
      Your response hit the bullseye of my heart. Your words made me weep. Thank you for writing down what you feel. It was a beautiful experience to read!
      Love to you!
      Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
      🙂

      • Hello meine Liebe, erstmal ganz liebevolle Gruesse von deiner liebsten Seele Hilde aus Wien. Nimm dir nicht alles gleich so tief sensibel zu Herzen. Aber es hat ein bisschen positiv auf dich gewirkt. Du bist auch sehr, sehr direkt und bestimmend mit deinem ButterflyBlogg, die von dir ausgesuchten Themen, sinngemaessen Zuweisungen an bestimmte Ereignisse und Erlebnisse deines realen Lebens. Du kannst auch schoen ordentlich an liebevolle Kritik austeilen, wenn du nach deiner eigenen inneren Stimmung gehst. So oft gelesen, deine bewusste Wortwahl, ist auch manchmal nicht leicht verdaulich. Allso es ist nicht schwer! Das kann durchaus ansteckend werden.

        Ich weiss, manchmal muss ich auch so sein, um ueberhaupt von dir eine lebige Reaktion zu bekommen. Man muss erst so bestimmt sein, damit ein treuer Seelen und Herzpartner auch in seiner Art und Weise lebig wahrgenommen wird. Ich weiss, dass ist dein ButterflyBlog, indem ich im Hintergrund deine Hauptfigur lebe. Absolute live Lebensinspiration fuer mich!! Immer virtuelles Praesent zu sein!! Ich bevorzuge ein reales Leben viel mehr, weil ich lebendig bin und dass sollte mein Seelen und Herzpartner auch endlich verantwortlich tun. Seufz!! Solange Zeit geht es so dahin ohne eine live Gespraech, nur mit viel Schreiben und treues warten. Das fast 2 Jahre aktives virtuelles Leben!! Ich liebe reale Leben so viel!! Inzwischen schon mehr graue Haare bekommen und etwas mehr Falten zeigen sich im meinem Gesicht auf. Uffff! Oh! Aha! Wie kann es anders sein, die liebevolle Gesundheit kommt auch noch dazu. Die Imunsystem Schwaeche = adtopische Dertmatitis, hat sich im letzten Fruehjahr 2012 in meinen Koerper eingeschlichen, mit absoluten Lebensmittel und Medikamente Unvertraeglichkeit. Die Leber und ganze Darmflora ist auch noch mitbeteiligt und die muss gereinigt werden. Die Ursache ist, fast jeder innerlicher Stress oder im staendigem Ungewissheit zu leben, verursacht diese Art von Konditionen und noch alte Situationen vor unseren Kennenleren losauslassen. Hey, fantastisches leben!!!

        So, So!! Aber meine Mutter hat mich doch auch liebevoll und wertebewusst erzogen, wenn man etwas sehr Wertvoll findet und einem sehr Wichtig ist, im realen Leben und endlich ein verantwortliches Live Gespraech und live Sehen in Bewegung setzen. Besonders wenn man schon lange einen treuen, ehrlichen und verlaesslichen Seelen und Herzpartner gefunden hat, der hier viel liebevolle Seelen und Herzarbeit geleistet hat. Vielleicht einmal mit viel liebevollen Gedanken zurueck verfolgen und bewusst werden, dass es doch kleine Wahrheit darin liegt.____________) Vielen Dank fuer deine geschaetze Aufmerksamkeit LG Hilde aus Wien diese wertvolle Seele und Herz=mein Kevin C.

  14. Funny Holliston sounds much like Hudson in many ways. As much as we look to unite everyone here, the ickiness always seems to rear its ugly head and sadly when we need a united front the most. Thank you for your post, it reminds me that this is not a “Hudson” thing or a “Santa Maria” thing. Its a people thing and we can only overcome it by living the way we want and putting out positive energy and hope that the right people catch it.

  15. Always a pleasure to read your blogs, beautiful Maria! ❤

    • Thanks beautiful Nicole!

      Great big hugs,
      Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
      🙂


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