Posted by: ButterflyMoms | March 29, 2013

HOW TO MOVE THROUGH YOUR PAIN…


photos of choicepoint 1Beautiful ButterflyMoms,

I’ve been avoiding writing this one particular blog entry all day long because last week’s was so powerful. The powerful part does not bother me, in fact, I love that almost 2,000 people read it in just one week! From the feedback it seems that it was a wonderful way to honor my beautiful friend Aida, 45 who died suddenly last week of a heart attack at the beginning of her yoga class.

STUNNING AIDA, A BEAUTY FROM THE INSIDE OUT!

STUNNING AIDA, A BEAUTY FROM THE INSIDE OUT!

Besides missing my dear friend Aida, my heart breaks for those who have also unexpectedly lost loved ones. With each of the deaths in my life, I’ve gotten closer to realizing that death does not have to be this way.

Many of us have grown up with the concept of a “heaven”. When Sophia, our beautiful one year old angel died, many said to me things like, “At least she is in a better place.” The more I think about this response, the more I realize that most people don’t really “face” death so whatever they are told about it they blindly believe. If they can avoid it all together they do… and I don’t blame them. If you grew up in a culture/family/world where death was what you did to criminals who commit heinous crimes then WHY WOULD YOU EVER have a positive idea of death!?! From the moment we are born we are warned to avoid death… “Be careful because this, that or the other can kill you!”

A week before she died our beautiful Sophia on her 1st birthday! I just LOVE looking at her beautiful face!!!!!

A week before she died our beautiful Sophia on her 1st birthday! I just LOVE looking at her beautiful face!!!!!

When Sophia died my whole world order blew up! SHATTERED! Things I too blindly believed were no longer possible to believe. The thing about death is that it makes you or breaks you.

At first, for most of us, it breaks us… breaks our hearts, to be exact. I did not want to feel the pain. It was so bad that felt like I wanted to peel my skin right off. The knowledge that my child had died was too much for my brain to wrap around. I treasured the moment I would temporarily focus on something else and dreaded the horror of the moments of re-remembering, painfully observing that part of me that thought it was just a dream… and realizing that it was not. The pain is absolutely horrific. I would not wish it on my least favorite person! It is big enough to contemplate taking your own life. (pause) Yes, it is that intensely painful.

If you are going through the grieving process for Aida or anyone else, I would like to help you. I ask that you first get to a place where you can hear/read this with as much focus as you can muster. Energetically, grieving is a massive leak of energy on your part, that is one of the reasons you feel like shit! Although there are many, many leaks of energy, the biggest leak usually comes from:

  1.  The guilt of not having done something different that would have changed the outcome of the situation (the death). It’s the “LAND OF IF ONLY’S”. Example, “If only I had not _________________ she would not have been in that car.”
  1. The non-acceptance of the death. This is when you hear people say some version of, “No, no! This cannot be happening. No! I cannot believe ________ died!”

These two will get you into one of the biggest un-alignments a human can experience. There is ZERO joy in either of these scenarios. The energy is just leaking out so thinking about leaving the body is not a surprise because energetically to the body it feels like the energy is leaving and not being replenished. Being in this space for a while is common, especially in our culture. It is a natural part of the mourning process. Unfortunately, many people can live in this energy-draining space for a very long time.

julia-cameron

Julia Cameron

“The trick is to metabolize pain as energy.  The key to doing that is to know, to trust, and to act as if a silver lining exists if you are only willing to look at the work differently or walk through a different door.”

~ Julia Cameron

The simplest way to stop the energy leaking is to ask the simple question, “WHAT IS THE GIFT?” Yes, I’m asking you to ask the most absurd question but I can promise you that this question works. It’s the question that I heard on the Oprah Show 11 years before Sophia’s death and the moment she died that question popped into my head and rolled around in there over and over and over again. I now see that the reason the question is so powerful. It unlocks the GRATITUDE and LOVE, two of the most POWERFUL ENERGY FILLERS for your soul.

IMG_8613We are spirits here on the earth school. Our bodies belong to this realm but our souls do not. LOVE does not die. It lives on. The sooner we get back into alignment with our LOVE for our departed, the sooner we feel them around us again, sure in a completely different form but still there, REALLY STILL THERE! The grief prevents us from feeling fully sensing them. There is a better way to accept death, a healthier way. I want to thank all those who have passed in my life, especially: Maria de Lurdes, Mandy, Derry, Joscelyn, Nancy, Aida and Sophia. I thank you for the gifts your lives and deaths have given me… and still I miss hugging you!

Great big hugs,
Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? MORE WAYS TO FEED YOUR SOUL TO START 2013 OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT!… 

√  COACHING: For those who want a coach with a lot of heart, I’m here to help you get rid of your blocks and go towards your goal. I’m living what I have been teaching clients for nearly two decades. Whether you are curious or serious send me an email to maria@butterflymoms.com to set up a time to get you to your first step. For those who want something to shift in their lives this is a great time!!!

√  INTERVIEW: Here is the magnificent ButteflyMoms interview on Nancy L. Cantor‘s Dream Factory Television Show… I hope you watch it and that it feeds your soul! ! http://vimeo.com/30095902

Mom Entrepreneur Extraordinaire_√ BOOKS FOR SALE: “Mom Entrepreneur Extraordinaire” See list below for all the places in the world where this book has been sold! Last year I co-authored the book ENTREPRENEUR MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE. If you have been thinking about starting a business or want to take your business to the next level this is a wonderful way to start. WAY cheaper than going back to school…and very helpful! To feed the soul of a friend, buy them a copy by CLICKING HERE NOW… http://bit.ly/gRxe4U.  Feel part of the magic below and see where in the world people have bought this book…

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To buy your copy Click now… http://bit.ly/gRxe4U

 

images4WHAT IS BUTTERFLYMOMS?
ButterflyMoms is a community of people who realize they are souls first and human being second. They want to explore more about themselves, to find out what makes them happy and how they can lead a life of purpose. It is simply about FEEDING YOUR SOUL. Although it has the name “MOMS” in the title it is more about being nurturing to your own transformation, as the butterfly is to its own metamorphosis. This community is led by Maria Salomão-Schmidt whose transformation was ignited by the birth and death of her BELOVED thirteen month old daughter Sophia (Sophalicious), the original butterfly.

*Every Friday Morning, as a way of honoring her daughter Sophia’s soul, Maria writes the weekly BUTTERFLYMOMS BLOG. Hundreds of people read it every week to feed their souls. Maria started writing the blog in May 2009 and has written EVERY Friday since. Maria is a Reiki master and every time you read it you are showered with healing love.  Tell your friends… https://butterflymoms.wordpress.com and spread the love!!! FEED YOUR SOUL!!!!!

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Responses

  1. A very tough and challenging way to look at death. While going through the grief process it’s hard to see the gifts at that moment. I know through time we all eventually get there though. Thanks for putting it out there for others to see it.

  2. Your words have embraced me with such LOVE. Thank you.

  3. Sometimes when we are at the lowest points in our life is then and only then we see the beauty surrounding us. That is what happened when I lost my two beautiful babies. Family and friends had come together. All other differences that anyone had against one another was forgotten. New loves were made. Generosity towards my family was unbelievable and the love that we received from perfect strangers was overwhelming. So much time and care went into trying to keep my babies alive but in the end we faced the fact that it was not going to happen. When I was able to sit back and look around and take a deep breath all became clear. I was still surrounded by love even though my heart was broken in a million pieces. That is when I knew I could gather up those pieces of my heart and be carried by those around me. The weight is hard but it does get easier. As they say many hands make light work. So goes for a loss of a loved one. Going through it alone is a burden but when surrounded by love it is easier and then we can focus on the love.

  4. Thank you Maria, for your gift… always beautiful and always with love.


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